Monday, April 4, 2016

My internet year

As a child I didn't expect to be something, a writer nonetheless. I was just this bullied, sad kid who knew nothing. As an elementary school child I failed every class and was expecting to die as a teen. Yes that was me. expecting to die when I turned 17. Yet being this closeted little kid many things captivated me. The colors everything just seemed different. I was made fun of because of it. My thoughts are very diverse and random. My thoughts consisted of everything and anything at the same time. 

I loved reading and writing and everything that I adored I was obsessed. Like harry potter. The 7 book wonder, I was always reading the only three books I owned from the series, two stolen and the other was given kindly to me by my lovely cousin. I own five now, presents from my sister. I was completely Harry Potter this, Harry Potter that. It was the only thing I read that wasn't for a class project. I was completely fascinated in books that contained Magic, and other mythical creatures. I guess it gave me hope that wicked humans aren't the only thing out there. They can't be or so I thought. I always had this hope that some different kind of good was out there, keeping me alive for a reason.

I never got my answer, or should I say I never looked for it. Like I was afraid of being disappointed. I don't really know. I guess some part of me really hoped that I would be different and loyal to those who rescued me from my insanity. Regardless I found peace in my being. I don't know when and I don't really know how but it's there. It's been there since 7th grade, fading but there.

Hope that is something I want to take about here. The hope to be something, anything one wants to. Very few people will become President of the United States so that itself doesn't bother me. More of the thought of singer, actor, writer, doctor, etc. That's something realistic and in ones reach. I am a writer so I am half way there to my ultimate dream before my inevitable death. So when I think of the thoughts of being said writer I think about the hope that was presented to me by my fellow peers and family members.

The hope that, that is my dream and no one can take that away. No matter what any mortal says, I will do what I wish and what I believe is my chance to do somethings I never thought possible as a kid.

 I was watching Spare Parts the other day, well again, since the entire school watched it for free. It was literally the day of the premiere, Friday during 7th period and I think third. Anyway it kind of stuck to me that if I ever wrote a book like that, it wouldn't be like that. I would miss a lot of details trying to remember everything that happened. Like whenever I'm with my friends or with my family, there are only very few things I would remember. I wouldn't remember important things said and done. It is literally impossible for me and I don't know why.

So like Tyler Oakley's Binge he writes about what happens in his life and most of what he writes I would have forgotten, not because you 'Forgive and Forget' but because I just don't have the capacity in remembering it.

In middle school I joined an online website, Wikia. I was going to see if Number 18's real name was Number 18. If you don't know what I'm talking about it's Dragon Ball Z. Anyway, I was on the new laptop and my parent's had barely left to go to work. It was around 7 and getting dark hinting winter coming on. I was googling it as the episode continued on my TV screen. I looked for the information I was trying to look for but didn't find it due to the fact that I got distracted. I look at the websites design, Dragon Ball Z Wikia. My eyes scanned the screen and the picture of the cyborg girl and next to it was a button that read: JOIN CHAT! or JOIN LIVE CHAT or START CHAT! I don't really remember but when I joined I realized how many people are there. Only few were talking and a lot of people were on. I don't remember their names, they were like 'Carnage' or something similar. Whenever I saw that name I would think Carnivore. I talked to Carni dude and I was well aware he was probably some internet dude who is extremely lonely. I still don't know if I was wrong or not.

I shyly typed 'hello' and began to talk to me. Carni dude asked me out and I faked a relationship to not enter in one online. Spoiler I did end up dating him for a short while and things got hectic. As a 7th grader who knew nothing I lied a lot. But I also did find my true friends. Kitten and Mike. They are amazing human being in general Both my age, and before you say anything like how do you know that?! First of all Skype, secondly What kind of pervert would stay with someone without meeting them for seven years. I will admit that I did meet some people who were fakes but they never asked to meet in person and I also knew from the start but I went along with it. I later on met Evan who is also one of my close friends now. We still chat almost everyday like if we just met and were beginning to become friends.

I was very happy and sometimes annoyed with these people. The annoyed generally goes to one human in particular, and since this is a public site I wont name him. I don't really need to. This boy was the reason for our downfall and wiki moving. I later dated one of the wiki stalkers without us realizing until later. We met in high school so it wasn't like he stalked me in rl too. He apologized about the actions and explained the situation too. I completely understood and apologized as well. The boy though went onto their chat and just attacked to be a troll and they were being defensive. But he agreed that they took it too far.

My internet life isn't over. Joining random chats for the most part is but not going online and spending hours upon hours doing something. Whether that is Writing on this blog (Which is rarely) Writing more of my book. (I am a writer) or watching Youtube videos and K-dramas.

As for this blog. I think I am doing this because of how little I speak in the real world or how shy I am to say things in real life. But I also want this to be as part of my memory to my child hood. I don't remember much and what I do remember I want to keep. Even if that's 20 years from now rereading this after I completely forgot it existed. In that case, Hi old me! How does it feel to be 38? or however old you are? Well that's it for this blog that literally took ages to finish. I know it is a little (or a lot) hectic and unorganized but that's who I am, Hectic and unorganized when I talk or do things.

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